Platonic Disaster

Dear Caroline

I work with a group of people who seem to think that women are fair game. The office Casanova, although he is nothing to look at, sits next to me! He is constantly bothering me and I don’t like it.

He is a bit of a Teddyboy, married and has 2 kids. He has no shame, when he’s with other women and goes out of his way to be very flirty with them and charming, basically pressing all the right buttons and saying all the things women like to hear.

He uses them and then slags them off behind their backs, he has slept with at least 10 women I work with in the building and they just think it’s the done thing.

I am the only one that has not succumbed to his manipulative ways and he is getting rather nasty with me.

I’m sure that he’s doing it because I’ve no interest in him whatsoever. I just want to have a working relationship with him. I feel so depressed and my work is beginning to suffer, I just want to be friends.

Help me please what to do.

Thanks

Marie

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Hi Marie

I'm sorry that you feel like this, he seems to be the workplace harasser to me and he should be stopped. If it's not acceptable to you, then it's a problem, and everyone else just goes along with it because they have too, or do they?

The definition of harassment is anything that makes you feel continuously uncomfortable, in the workplace. Even if it his ridiculous Teddy-boy look! Firstly you should tell Casanova that his advances to you are not welcome and if he doesn't stop, you will put a harassment claim against him.If this doesn't work, you have a decision to make: Either put up with it and feel miserable

Or

Submit an official complaint to your line manager,

Or

You could look for another job and get away from him and the terrible position he has put you in. If you put up with it and feel miserable, then every single day that you work with him, it will only get worse and your health and wellbeing will suffer, you will probably end up on anti-depressants and hate your life.

If you put in a harassment claim against him, then you will have to justify your complaint and for every incident of harassment you can remember, he will twist it and turn it against you and possibly, get other people to back him up! It will be a long and painful battle and you may or may not end up winning. (You should keep a diary of every incident with dates, issues and witnesses; you should ask some of your colleagues if they will support you with a statement)

If you look for another job, then you are out of the situation, but he's won and he will be left there to push his advances onto the next unsuspecting victim. OK, you're in a new job, so what happens if the same thing happens in your new place; Do you take it on the chin or move on again? (Remember, you had a career and now what have you got?)

Do what you feel is the best for yourself, and remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did nothing wrong and it will catch up with him one day, whatever you decide.

Good Luck

Caroline
Agony Angel