Agony Aunt and Life Coach - Change your life today

He Frightens Me!

Hi Caroline

I’m at my wits end, My husband and I have been married for 7 years and all though I love him very much and look after him the best way I can, I am starting to get worried about him. He seems to think that it’s Ok to go out and buy things willy nilly!

We have two children and need to count the pennies and I am trying so hard to give up on some luxuries so that we can make ends meet. However, it seems that my husband is going the opposite way and spending money like water. I can’t stop him and tell him often enough that we are going to get into debt and we won’t be able to pay it all back.

Why is he spending it all and why doesn’t he think it’s wrong. I have tried telling him to stop but he just keeps getting loans out and spending buying cars, we don’t really need, buying clothes he doesn’t really need and going out every weekend with his so called mates and coming home in a drunken stupor.

He is going you get ill over this and I’m frightened that he may do something stupid if we can’t afford to pay all this money back. I feel that we are getting deeper and deeper into debt and I don’t know where to turn. Can you advise me on what to do and what to say to make him stop before it gets out of hand.

Please

Many of us have loans, but we try and keep them within our means, and try to pay off as much back as we can each month.

You do however need to know that essentials, such as; bills, and food are at the top of your list of necessities. They’re your no.1 priority. It can be hard not to try and impress others, as some men feel ‘Peer Pressure’, to have the best and have what everyone else has, but it's not always that simple! It could be that your husband is bored with his life too, and that by spending money it takes away that boredom. It's not an excuse but it's an answer to why he's doing it. Why can't you just sit down and talk it through with each other.

Try to come up with some sort of arrangement with how your money is spent, and how much you should be paying back each month. That way you'll both understand what you're dealing with. I'm quite sure he has an answer to the questions you need to ask him, and I'm quite sure that he understands ‘it has to stop’.

Tell him your fears and tell him you can try and work it out together, the both of you. It's a problem for both of you to work out and you can do it several ways. Get your bank statements along with a list of all your monthly out goings, food, petrol, insurance, mortgage, clothes, spending money etc. List what monthly income you have, and take one from the other and see if you are overspending or within your earnings. If you are in the red each month then you have to go without things until you are living within your means and this could take months, if not years.

If your figures are way out and there is no-way you can pay everyone back, then either; Look at a consolidation loan or if that won't help, and you are in any doubt about what to do, then Take your lists with you and go to the Citizens Advice and they will try to help you. It is the easiest thing in the world to get hold of money but the hardest thing to pay it back. Bad debt can put added pressure on your family and cause emotionally upset, and what’s more, Bad Debt is on the increase. Budget your weekly spending for food and clothing, budget what you spend on bills and budget how much you can afford to pay back on your loans each month.

I'm sure that you can get your heads together and find a way to sort out this mess. You can call the national debt line and get good advice from them (if that's what you want) but I would try and sort it out between you ‘now’ or it will never get sorted and your relationship will suffer. It's better to get this out into the open and apologise together and make a promise that you budget everything until you get back on track. It may take a few years but it will be worth it.

If you feel that he has an addiction, then maybe he could get counselling on a one-to-one basis, only if that's necessary and as a last resort. Talking it through and making negotiations is really the best way and remember, cutting back on little things is only for a while, and in the long term you'll be happier for making the effort, to sort it out.

Caroline
Agony Angel

This letter is taken from Caroline's world changing DVD where she shares her life coaching skills to help motivate you into achieving your goals and improve your life, along with a selection of letters that she receives each day as an agony aunt....
Buy the DVD This is your passport to survial in love, life and relationships.

	He Frightens Me! Hi Caroline I’m at my wits end, My husband and I have been married for 7 years and all though I love him very much and look after him the best way I can, I am starting to get worried about him. He seems to think that it’s Ok to go out and buy things willy nilly! We have two children and need to count the pennies and I am trying so hard to give up on some luxuries so that we can make ends meet. However, it seems that my husband is going the opposite way and spending money like water. I can’t stop him and tell him often enough that we are going to get into debt and we won’t be able to pay it all back. Why is he spending it all and why doesn’t he think it’s wrong. I have tried telling him to stop but he just keeps getting loans out and spending buying cars, we don’t really need, buying clothes he doesn’t really need and going out every weekend with his so called mates and coming home in a drunken stupor. He is going you get ill over this and I’m frightened that he may do something stupid if we can’t afford to pay all this money back. I feel that we are getting deeper and deeper into debt and I don’t know where to turn. Can you advise me on what to do and what to say to make him stop before it gets out of hand. Please Hi Many of us have loans, but we try and keep them within our means, and try to pay off as much back as we can each month. You do however need to know that essentials, such as; bills, and food are at the top of your list of necessities. They’re your no.1 priority. It can be hard not to try and impress others, as some men feel ‘Peer Pressure’, to have the best and have what everyone else has, but it's not always that simple! It could be that your husband is bored with his life too, and that by spending money it takes away that boredom. It's not an excuse but it's an answer to why he's doing it. Why can't you just sit down and talk it through with each other. Try to come up with some sort of arrangement with how your money is spent, and how much you should be paying back each month. That way you'll both understand what you're dealing with. I'm quite sure he has an answer to the questions you need to ask him, and I'm quite sure that he understands ‘it has to stop’. Tell him your fears and tell him you can try and work it out together, the both of you. It's a problem for both of you to work out and you can do it several ways. Get your bank statements along with a list of all your monthly out goings, food, petrol, insurance, mortgage, clothes, spending money etc. List what monthly income you have, and take one from the other and see if you are overspending or within your earnings. If you are in the red each month then you have to go without things until you are living within your means and this could take months, if not years. If your figures are way out and there is no-way you can pay everyone back, then either; Look at a consolidation loan or if that won't help, and you are in any doubt about what to do, then Take your lists with you and go to the Citizens Advice and they will try to help you. It is the easiest thing in the world to get hold of money but the hardest thing to pay it back. Bad debt can put added pressure on your family and cause emotionally upset, and what’s more, Bad Debt is on the increase. Budget your weekly spending for food and clothing, budget what you spend on bills and budget how much you can afford to pay back on your loans each month. I'm sure that you can get your heads together and find a way to sort out this mess. You can call the national debt line and get good advice from them (if that's what you want) but I would try and sort it out between you ‘now’ or it will never get sorted and your relationship will suffer. It's better to get this out into the open and apologise together and make a promise that you budget everything until you get back on track. It may take a few years but it will be worth it. If you feel that he has an addiction, then maybe he could get counselling on a one-to-one basis, only if that's necessary and as a last resort. Talking it through and making negotiations is really the best way and remember, cutting back on little things is only for a while, and in the long term you'll be happier for making the effort, to sort it out. Caroline Agony Angel This letter is taken from Caroline's world changing DVD where she shares her life coaching skills to help motivate you into achieving your goals and improve your life, along with a selection of letters that she receives each day as an agony aunt.... Buy the DVD This is your passport to survial in love, life and relationships.


							Spend, Spend Spend... You know you shouldn't but how do you stop getting deeper into debt. Perhaps a consolidation loan or bankruptcy but go to the citizens advice first or contact the National Debt line.