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Before you judge me!

Dear Caroline,

I'm a 27 year old woman who need's your HELP

You see Caroline I suffer from Depression and I'm pregnant with triplets, I need your HELP because I am at the point of no return in my life where I'm ready to end it all I cant go on any longer like this, you see I suffer from depression due to my half brother who sexually abuse me as a little girl.

My parents didn't want me all they wanted was a slave and that's what they got when I was born, You see I will explain things a bit better for you to understand, I had to be up before the rest of my family in the mornings, to have the house clean the washing done and to have there breakfast ready for them getting up.

And if it wasn't ready I would get a kicking and I mean a kicking you see one morning, I didn't have my older brother's breakfast ready in time, and I got a kicking from him and I was crying out in pain and I woke up my father and he came to what the noise was and he saw me crying in the corner and he asked me what was wrong and I told him.

Thinking he cared and I got a kicking from him

1 for waking him up

2 for not having my brothers breakfast ready for him I was made the woman of the house in all the way thinkable but I didn't sleep with my father but my half brother took that to mean he could sleep with me instead.

The earliest I can remember my brother coming in to my room and saying what my mother had said to him is to love the baby (you see sex was freely open in the house)

I can remember my mother with men in the front room, and my dad in another room with my brother's showing them how to having sex with a woman. (Which I know now was a woman of the night) and a man joined in and my mother then did oral sex on my father and this man and then on my brother, Then my mother and father would let the man and my half-brother have sex with me and they would watch to see if he was doing it right.

Later on he found it pleasurable to use thing's on me like food and animals once he tied me to the bed and rub on me the sent of a female dog in heat And then let the male dog go and see what the male dog would do.

And another time he took me to his room and there was three men in there waiting for him and me and he would get money from these men to have sex with me so there is just a brief look in to my background of my life.

So I'm at the point that if my little girls are born I don't know if I'm going to treat them the same way as I was brought up so the only way to STOP the cycle is to kill myself and it's STOPPED

You Caroline are the last person I can turn to for HELP all my GP has done is give me Prozac but being pregnant I cant take it.

Before you judge me and say why did I get pregnant with my mind being so messed up you see my Doctor said that I would never have children due to a screw-driver being use on me during the sexually abuse by one of the men.

So please don't think I'm a bad person by getting pregnant all I can think of is this moment is to stop it going on anymore so help me please

From a person who need's a friend

......

Dear Friend

Please, Please, please, Don't do anything stupid because that's exactly what it is Stupid, you've got three children to think about inside you, they need you to show them how to live and and how you should look after yourself, how to live a good normal life free from pain anger and abuse.

You have really been through a lot, so you've a lot of experience bad as it was it was an experience for you you can have these children and bring them up how you wanted to be brought up. think about that, they are going to need all your love and support that I know you can give that to them.

The next step is to go to the beginning of my agony page and look at the list of help lines available there IS one for you. find out which is best RING THEM, they are all counsellors who will listen and put you in touch with a therapists or you could ask the them to forward you details of a counsellor you could see, have you asked your doctor to refer you to an NHS pshycologist? because i think you would really benefit from that too, don't give up, When i was at my lowest I did not give up you mustn't either, help is out there you know that it is, just take a deep breath and pick up the phone and ring a help line NOW.

You are a very brave decent lady despite all the horrors you've endured and seen you've managed to tell me , that's the first step, keep your courage and make a call, you wont regret it Linda. Please don't delay there are so many options to take.

Please let me know how you get on keep in touch.

Best regards,

Caroline