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I want the world to stop

Dear Caroline

I know lots of people go through this but this is my first. I'm 35 and have just finished with my boyfriend of 12 years and I can't believe how utterly devastated I feel. He was my first real boyfriend and best pal. The problem is that I am still in love with him and he is still in love with me but due to lots of circumstances (too many to mention) I could not continue in the relationship. Just no way other than to part, believe me. My problem is the way I am feeling. I can't ever imagine it getting better. It is just like a bereavement (I actually feel worse than when my parents died). I sometimes feel like I should go back to him but then all the reasons I had to end it will still be there, so nothing would be solved. So I know there is no going back.

I have quite an active, full life but I find it very difficult to stop thinking about him. I have friends but my really good friends don't live close by and I don't want to bother them with my feelings. People are used to me being quite a bouyant character but at the moment I feel that I want the world to stop. As I said I have never had a break up before and so don't know how to handle it and didn't know what to expect.

I know I am not on my own but it doesn't ease the pain. I knew it would be hard but I didn't expect to feel so TOTALLY gutted. It would be easier to bear maybe if he had done something awful and then I could hate him. The fact that I am still deeply in love with him just makes it so much harder. OK so it has only been one week but I am just astonished at how horrific it is making me feel. I just want some kind of guidance or tips as to how to deal with this.

Please.

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

You've just ended a relationship with someone you cared about, loved, had fun with, shared happy moments, tense moments, sad moments etc...... you have shared your lives good, bad you've been friends.lovers,whatever, together for 12 years you'd be abnormal not to feel these emotions. It will be very hard at first I wont lie about it, your reasons for splitting must have overruled your deep love for him, and if you couldn't live with him any longer(after trying to resolve whatever it was that made you split) then a split is probably the best way of tackling the situation.

Time really is a great healer although you wont think so just at the moment, you'll want to cry alot, and be on your own, yes very similar to bereavement, after all something has died in your life a long relationship, and you WILL get over this!!! you need to take a long look at what you want out of your life right now, where you want to be, what you really want to do, and where you want to go. Write down some priorities for you future, your aims, your goals in life career etc.... plan it out and then go for it.... you can succeed! Give yourself some quality thinking time and plan out a future achievement for yourself.

Spending some time alone can do wonders for you. You'll see.....

Keep your chin up Sarah, Good times ahead, pain doesn't last forever.

R

Caroline.