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I'm just really confused.

Dear Caroline.

I'd really appreciate it if you could help me. Recently I've just been feeling really depressed, everything and everyone's been getting me down. One of the biggest things on my mind recently is that I can't stand my best friend any more. she used to be a really nice person and we got along really well. But recently I feel as if she's been putting me down.

I realised that for the past 5 years of our friendship I've just agreed with her for fear of being told I was strange. She's really competitive, she always compares her marks to mine and makes a big deal about how well she does in classes and how her teachers all love her for being so great. I've tried ignoring her, and I've tried telling her, but her parents and my parents are quite good friends so I don't want to get her upset, which I'm likely to do if I confront her. She is a good friend sometimes, when she's not being a snob we have a good time. I'm just really confused.

Also my other friends don't like her at all. They back off from her and since she follows me around everywhere, I never get to see my other friends. It's really bugging me now. I know it sounds like a really trivial problem. But everyone seems to be ignoring it and telling me to confront her. Something which I really don't know how to do. I really would appreciate you help.

Thank you so much

Sally

 

Dear Sally,

I hope I can help you out, you haven't mentioned how old you are, you sound like a very mature intelligent young lady. The fact is: Your friend has obviously no self esteem and is trying to impress herself more than anybody really.

It also seems to me that your friend wants you to admire her the way she obviously admires you. As she's seems to be trying to impress you and everyone around you that she's good at this and the teachers all think she's great etc. What she's really trying to do is trying to impress you, but she doesn't really have to, does she? You're her friend.

A friend is exactly that, a friend, someone who treats you well, respects you, and can always be there to listen and support you when you need it most. You have obviously made a great impression on this girl, perhaps you've been there for her sometime without realising it. She is trying to tell you that she is there for you too, try telling her that you value her friendship, a kind word or two will only take a few minutes but will last a life time! Think about it, have you two ever said you liked each other face to face or has it just been assumed? tell her to get along with the others too, tell her it's putting some others off by her being so involved in herself, life's about involving yourself with others too, and it has great rewards. Life's too short for these problems.

Try joining an evening class, like exotic cookery, something not too demanding, or try joining a netball team at your local sports centre, badminton, karate, judo, canoeing, tennis, or the gym, and for a few pounds once a week you'll all enjoy yourselves, get to know each other better and bond a little. There's always ample supply of young men your age that go to sports centres too and perhaps she'll meet some one or you will too. Ask for special reduced prices and discounts for groups, get a leisure pass, you'll save money that way too.

Who Knows you might both meet the boys of your dreams then everybody's happy!

Please let me know how you get on , Good Luck.

Regards, C.