A guy wlks into a bar with a steering wheel on his penis and the bartender asks: 'Why do you have a steering wheel on your penis?' and he replies: 'Arg it's driving me nuts.' ha ha ha

From Mr Coolia

Iraqi TV Guide

MONDAY

8:00 Husseinfeld

8:30 Mad About Everything

9:00 Suddenly Sanctions

9:30 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY

8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror

8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right

9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things

9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

WEDNESDAY

8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy

9:00 Just Shoot Me

9:30 Veilwatch

THURSDAY

8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi

8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H

Mike Blair - Essex

For those that are traveling to the Far East !!

Essential Japanese phrases.....

That's not right...............................................................Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive?..............................Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP....................................................................Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man....................................................................................Dum Gai

Small Horse............................................................................Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?.........................................Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table.....................................Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift.................................................Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here.........................................................Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...........................Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...................................................No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week......Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight................................................................Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile.........................................Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive..........................................Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great........................................................................................Fu Kin Su Pah

..

Viet - rotters - e-mail : got 1

Queen Mother went to heaven..saw Diana and said o0o That's a nice Heylo..
Diana replied 'It's not a ****** heylo it's a Mercedes Benz steering wheel !'
Soz but i thought it was funny.

A guy from Wigan goes in a pub and orders a beer ..bar man says "whitbread"?
Guy says "i 2 slices please."!

Yorkshire mans recipe for an omlete,,,, First borrow 4 eggs.!!

old 1 coming up.....

Police in Liverpool have managed to catch 3 of 4 terroists:

• bin drinkin.
• bin .fighting.
• bin nicking.
• but no sign of bin working.
  

Q: Wat u call a Liverpool guy
A: Bin laid off.

ok that's about it hope u liked the jokes ..

Sue, 4 jokes on a trot, you should sit down and take it easy for a while!

The Amazing DVD is all you need to Change Your Life,
Get a better job, have better relationships, Use your new found skills to have the last laugh with your friends and the world around you,

Crystal Vea, email-therealways@hotmail.com

Q: What do you call 12 indians standing around the fire?
A: A full set of teath!

Sarah Young, e-mail : sarahyoung21@msn.com

Q: How do you re-use a condom?
A: Turn it inside out & wash the f*** out of it!

Q: What do gays & bungee jumpers have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks they're both in the s**t!

A GOOD OL' SUCK TO MAKE IT WET, IT DRIBBLES DOWN MY CHIN, THEN WHEN I THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT I'LL RAM THE F***ER IN. . . . . Cadburys cream egg, how do you eat yours?!!

The following letters have been removed from the above joke because we can't say **** or **** or indeed ******, thank you: 2xU(one big and one small!) - 1xI - 2xK(one big and one small!) - 1xH and 2xC(one big and one small!), Is that right? thank **** for that!

Jim Brock, - e-mail : brockaj1@cox.net

Once upon a time two men had been sitting in a bar drinking for a considerable time and had started to become a wee bit inebriated and argumentative. They argued about football, politics, women and so on. Eventually after more drinks they started arguing about a real guy thing, as to which of them had the largest pecker.

The barman was starting to get a bit irritated at all the ruckus the men were creating, but because he was used to this type of thing, said to them, "Look, if you'll just cut out the noise, I'll be the judge of this argument. Lay your peckers on the bar and I'll tell you which is the biggest"

The two men agreed to this and so they proudly laid their peckers on the bar. Just as the barman was about to give his decision, a gay fellow came in and walked up to the bar. The barman told the two guys to wait a minute and turning to the gay chap said "What can I get you?"

The gay chap looked down at the bar and said, "Well I was just going to have a beer, but now I think I'll have a bit of the buffet!"

Daryl Macvicar - Aberdeen ~Scotland -e-mail : platelicker@aol.com

Q: What gets stiff after three strokes?

A: Princess Margaret!

Spongejosh31@aol.com

There was a weiner and a cucumber and they were talking about how they get put in a jar, then the jar gets opened and they are eaten. The cucumber says 'I get cut up and eaten'. Then a weiner pops up and says 'When i get pulled out a get a plastic bag over my head and go into a dark cave then when i come out i am all wet with stuff'!

Very poor Josh, I must apologise to readers and offer this joke as a peace offering:

Josh, you could have told the one about the two Cowboy Puffs, riding a tandem up a cobbled hill. One turned to the other and said 'Shall we get off an push it up!' And the other said 'Yep'... At the top of the hill they got back on and one Cowboy said 'Yup' and the other said 'Yep!'... Then, as they were riding down the other side of the cobbled hill, one said 'I've never come this way before!'

Sorry peeps, a clean one to finish with:

The Lady stood on the bridge,
Legs were all a quiver.
She gave a cough.. 'cough!'
Her leg fell off
and floated down the river!

Izeek Finkas - with a little help from Karen!

Instruction for reading: Read in an Italian accent

I am a Italiano. One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel.

In a morning I go down to eat breakfast.

I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast.

She brings me only one piss.

I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet.

I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate.

She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch!

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.

The waitress bring me a spoon and knife but no fock.

I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock.

I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table.

She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So, I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.

I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet.

I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed.

He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you."

I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy!

Jade Bunnet

Q - What has david beckham and a London train got in common?

A - They are in and out of Victoria every 15 minutes!

Stephanie Lauel

There was onces a rabbi called keith
who circumised boys with his teeth
it wasn't for pleasure or sexual pleasure
it was to get to the cheese underneath

Dave - I think we all recognise these!

Woman's Vocabulary

1. "Fine"

This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describehow a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so they feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you insideout, upside down, backwards, or all three. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows):

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows):

This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. (Loud Sigh)

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

7. (Soft Sigh)

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

8. "Oh !"

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN (do not walk) to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days."Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught
in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows, "Go ahead", followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow and "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

11. "Thanks"

The woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say "you're welcome".

12. "Thanks A Lot !!"

This is very different to "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot !!" when she is REALLY pissed off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Stephany Marsh, - Lancaster

There was these three ladies called Alice, Gladis and Fanny. There was a bit of a do on in the village, so Alice said: Let's go, it will be great fun, there will be some lads there and we'll have a fantastic time. Gladis said: But we haven't got any nice clothes. Don't worry about that said Fanny, we'll go to the village and buy one frock each. So they bought their frocks took them home and tried them on. But what about shoes, said Gladis. We'll go to the village and buy some. Alice was a size 10, Gladis was a size 12 and Fanny was a size 15. So they went to the village and bought some shoes for everyone apart from Fanny, the shop just didn't sell shoes that big. But Fanny said: What about me, I havn't got any shoes to wear because they don't sell shoes my size. I don't know said Alice and Gladis. I'll just have to stay home, sard Fanny.

So Alice and Gladis went to the do in the village and had a wonderful time, they met two good looking lads, who danced with them and bought them drinks, they were very polite. At the end of the evening the lads started to walk the girls home, Alice and Gladis were in front with the two lads at the back and the lads said: by golly haven't you two got big feet. Alice and Gladise said: yes, but wait 'til we get home and see the size of our Fannys! ha ha ha haaa

Sam - steps1@another.co.uk (thank goodness for ****!)

There's a man that can't talk very well and he goes to a cake shop and says: 'Can I have a bum?' Don't you mean a bun sir? That's what I said a bum. Then he went to a clock shop and said: 'Can I have a c**k?' Don't you mean a clock sir? That's what I said a c**k. So then he went in to a buckit shop and said: 'Can I have a f**k it?' Don't you mean a buckit sir? That's what I said a f**k it. So later when he was going home, a lady asked: Have you got the time sir? and he replied........

...........yeh, can you hold my bum and f**k it while I get my c**k out!

p.s ha ha ha ha, it's ment to be funny

Hazel Egan - email: hazel@katel.net.au

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and
take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,"But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

..

Dave Smith, Perth Australia

He who drinks Australian thinks Aust

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?".

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. "Sheila," he says "Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." He drives off.

I P Nightly, Morecambe

A Puzzle:

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

This is really a brain teaser, it took me ages to work it out. For the answer see the bottom of the into to chat page.

from Kwtacs@cs.com

This is getting near the knuckle so be warned!

Q: What do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny

A: A block of flapps!

Second offering

What are the disadvantages of being a cock ?

1. You only have one eye
2. Your hair is always a mess
3. Your live next door to an arsehole
4. Your best friends a c**t

Steve Dyer, - Morecambe - email stevedyer@stevedyerworldonline.co.uk.screaming.net

A little boy asked his dad "What's a C**t dad?"
Rather shocked, his dad replied "Where did you here language like that son?"
"Everybody at school says it dad."
"Well don't use it in future. it's rude."
"But what does it mean dad?"
His dad tells him that he is old enough to know and tells him to be quiet and follow him upstairs to the main bedroom where the boy's mother had fallen asleep naked on the bed having just had a bath. The dad points towards the woman's private parts and whispers to his son "That bit there is called a pussy, and all
around it is a c**t"

Well someone had to lower the level and it might as well be you, Thank goodness for **, Now **** **f!

Casey, - e-mail : casey_eppperson@angle fire .com

Q: What is viagra made of ?

A: 5% asprin and 95% fix a flat!

Casey, keep practising, you'll find a funny joke eventually!

Dazz Darkins

......your mom's SOOOO dumb, she tried to put M & M's in alphabetical order!!
......your mom's SOOOO fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck!!
......your mom's SOOOO dumb, she got locked in tesco's and starved!!
......your mom's SOOOO dumb she got run over by a parked car!!
......your mom's SOOOO dumb, she got locked in the toilets and s**t herself!!
......your mom's SOOOO dumb, she climbed over a glass wall to see wat was on the other side!!
......your mom's SOOOO fat, when she wore her X-Files t-shirt, the helicopters tried to land on her!!
......your mom's SOOOO fat, every time she turns around it's her birthday!!
......your mom's SOOOO fat, when she gets out the bath, the only rings she leaves are n the ceiling!!
......your mom's SOOOO dumb, she walked into Tower Records and asked if they sell CD's!!
......your mom's SOOOO fat, she wears equator-sized trousers!!

Dazz, never make jokes about ''mom's'' , they gave us life!.... made us wash the dishes, take the dog out for a walk, empty the bins, bring in the washing, go to the shops..... hmm, I'll let you off!

PS Mum, if you're watching from up there, we love and miss you very much!

Anthony Price - e-mail : rataxsis@hotmail.com

You said NO swearing BUT someone else has added some foul language with the use of *s..... so if you like this post it up! (Actually it says No 'BAD Swearing please!)

Q: Have you ever smelt a 'cheese and s**t sandwich'?

A: I'll tell you what it's like..... fart whilst you're having a w**k!

Cheese and Salt Sandwich! Fart whilst you're having a Walk! I don't know what's funny about that!!!

Alan Love - UK e-mail : sex-crazy@another.com

Q. What do a large bag of crisps and a prostitute have in common?

A. 10 pence/cents a poke

Steve, - e-mail : stevedyerpilot@cs.com (Thank goodness for ****!)

A man walked into a restaurant and said to the waiter "I want to see the f*****g manager. C**t." The waiter went to fetch the manager. The man said "Hi t**t, I come about the job for a f*****g piano player!". "Ok" said the manager, "let's hear how good you are. Can you play some blues?" The pianist sat down at the piano and played the most fantastic blues piano.

The manager said "Wow, that's reealy good. What do you call that
tune?".

The pianist said "S*****g sheep under the stars with the moonlight shining on my a**e hole".

"Ok" said the manager, "what about some jazz?"
Again the pianist played some fantastic music.
"What do you call that onr then?" said the manager.

"I tried to s**g my mother on the sofa but a spring came through and I caught my k**b in it"

"Oh" said the manager, "and can you play a nice ballad"
This one was amazing - not a dry eye in the restaurant.
"What's that called then?" asked the manager.
"I love you so f*****g much
I can't s**t" replied the pianist.

The manager gave the pianist the job under 2 conditions:
1. He must not talk to any of the customers.
2. He must never announce the titles of any of his songs.

All went well for a couple of weeks. Then one night there is a rather well endowed young lady sat eating her meal near the piano wearing a rather revealing dress. The pianist gets a little worked up over her and eventually decides to go to the toilet for a w***k.

Whilst in the toilet he hears the manager shouting "Where's that f*****g pianist? He should be playing". On hearing this the pianist rushes back to the piano and starts playing.

After a few moments, the aformentioned young lady comes over to the pianist and whispers in his ear - "Do you know your k**b and b***s are hanging out and you're dripping j**z all over your shoes?"

"Know it? I f*****g wrote it!"

A bit naughty that one but I love it.

Titter Titter

Claire

Q. What's the Difference between ohhhh and ARRGGG!!

A. About 3 inches

I don't know, women eh, give them an inch and they'll want a foot!

Betty Jolley - California

An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, "Where are you going ?"
The elderly man replied, "To the doctor."
Surprised his wife asked "Why, are you sick?"
"No," he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
With that his equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater.
Surprised, he asked, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to the doctor, too".

"Why?"

She said, matter-of-factly, "If you're going to start using that rusty, old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Darren - York UK

The 5 questions most feared by men are:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Cricket.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not?

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a Boat").

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not, don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: makes audible groan
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in> our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the> proper thing to do
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed
WOMAN: - - - silence - - >
MAN: Shit.

A long joke but well worth the wait!

Betty Jolley - California

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Susan," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said.

"Rest. Shhh. Don't talk." He was insistent.

"Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan.

"Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with

your sister, your best friend and your mother."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."

Anonymous - (Betty this is a bit cheeky for you!)

As you know in pharmacology all drugs are given a generic name that differs from the trade name tylenol is Acetominophen

advil is Buprofen

Rogaine is Minoxidil

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin

You know I swallowed some Viagra once and ended up with a stiff neck!

Robert S. - Morecambe

Comparison of Women with Big Tits vs Women with Little Tits

Women with Big Tits:

...can get a taxi on the worst days
...have a neat place to carry spare change
...have always been the center of the arts (art)
...make jogging a spectator sport
...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
...can always carry a little extra
...always float better
...know where to look first for lost earrings
...rarely lack for a slow dance partner
...have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner

Women with Little Tits:

...don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
...always look younger
...find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
...can always see their toes and shoes
...can sleep on their stomachs
...have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
...know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
...know that everything more than a handful is wasted
...can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
...can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out

Robert, I thought of substituting the word boobs, knockers, jugs, paps, mamaries or breasts but it wouldn't have the same effect... 'Tits' is fine! PS how do you know so much about them? I know... you're obviously a tit yourself!

Jim - Morecambe

How many women does it take to wallpaper a bedroom?

One. But you have to slice her really thin first!

Lorna Forbes, - e-mail : haven_65@yahoo.com

Q: why don't men eat dill pickles?

A: they can't get there heads in the jar!!!

It's a good job I don't understand your joke Lorna, although I'm sure someone finds it funny!...won't they!

Kandy (It's a bit risky but I'll run with it)

Q. What do you call a prostitute with no arms & no legs?

A. A nightcrawler!

I.P. Freely, - Scotland (made up name I think!)

A woman goes into a sex shop. It's her first time and she's a little nervous. She goes up to the counter and the assistant says: "don't worry, you can see there are all sorts of people here; couples, singles, women... just take your time and have a look round." So the woman goes over to the vibrator section and comes back to the counter with a white one, a black one and a red one. As she is paying, the assistant says to her:"the white one is a good choice: compact, discreet, for every-day use..now, the black one, this is a little bigger, really for special occasions... and the red one, that's the fire extinguisher, could you bring it back when you're finished please?"!!!

Sarah Rushforth, - Bar, Morecambe

What do a hooker's client and a panda have in common?

He eats, shoots and leaves.

I like it, I like it, keep them coming!

Bugsy Turnip, - e-mail : meggmac@hotmail

What's the difference between a lesbian and a ritz cracker?

One is a snack cracker the other is a crack snacker

Listen everyone this is as rude as I dare get, please be careful? We have been sent some absolutely disgusting jokes... funny but disgusting... I mean DISGUSTING....still they made me laugh!